Better for Best

The Man and I returned home at one o'clock this morning from an unplanned trip to see Mom and Dad C.  Not exactly a family picnic.  It's much more fun to make family memories when everyone is healthy and happy and out of pain.

We were so relieved to hear they were headed home from the hospital this morning and we will be sending our prayers that Dad will heal and they can have many more happier moments with us.

Just so you know...Steve and I have been blessed with some pretty amazing people for parents.

Even though a hospital isn't my first venue choice for family game night, there are some positives.

Like watching two people that have found a way to make a marriage work for fifty plus years.

You get to see some people at their best when life is handing them the worst.

When something like this happens I tend to jump off the spinning carousel of living and put first things first. I wish I could say I lived my life like that every day. Unfortunately, I don't. And I regret it. And I have to learn this lesson over and over and over. Why?

It seems to me that every couple of years I get that carousel spinning so fast that it's inevitable that those pretty little ponies are going to fly right off.....and pile it up on the concrete. That's kind of where I've been for the past three weeks....sweeping up bits of ponies.

For me, the disaster usually begins with the absence of the word 'NO'. My sweetheart has been known to practice The Conversation with me now and again.

 "That's a wonderful idea! I'm so sorry I won't be able to participate/help/take charge of/spend three days making decorations for/attend."

 Maybe if he puts it to music it will stick in my head.

Miss Nichole came home from school last week to speak in church. She gave a beautiful talk on the subject of sacrifice. She spoke of a true sacrifice as giving up something good for something better. Boy have I had some things turned around. I'm guilty of giving up some best for some good.

I can't be too hard on myself. I know why I got sucked into the same old again. On some really inexplicable level.....I liked it.

I am a creator.
I like having people recognize my creative abilities.
I like having an avenue to explore my talents.
I like having some tangible product to show for a hard days work.
I like being pushed to the limit and coming out the victor.

I like remembering that I am more than a dishwasher.

But there is a price to pay.

There is always an exchange that has to be made.

The world will tell me that the modern woman can have it all and can kick some proverbial tushke while doing it. But my personal experience tells me otherwise. The honest me knows that there is a time and a season for everything and that putting Spring between Fall and Winter will require sacrificing a month of changing leaves for a minute of apricot blossoms.

I've been wearing a bikini in a snowstorm.

The good news is that I can be taught....sometimes repeatedly. Someone loves me enough to keep giving me second chances. There won't be too many more. Even I know this isn't going to last.

If the largest stadium in the world was filled to the brim with fans chanting my name in a screaming, standing ovation for an entire hour.....

......it wouldn't even touch the privilege of washing their dishes.

.......and since I've been catching some flack for making everyone cry all the time.....I'll share with you my James quote of the week.
 He asked me, with a very serious five year old face,

 "Is Grandma your age?"

 Yes. She. Is.

We are both 32 and a half.

It's all about balance, isn't it?

Stalker Mom

                                                                                                             Sunday, October 5, 2014

Dear Elder Crosgrove,

My dear son, how has your week been? Was it the best one yet, just like last week? Did you go to the ward building to listen to the Conference talks? Wasn't it awesome to listen to the speakers in their native languages?! 

I have something to confess. I listened to the first speaker from a hotel room in Los Angeles.....just a few miles from you. I didn't want to tell you until I was back in Idaho because I wanted you to stay focused. I hope you are okay with that.

I went to LA with some friends to help them with their business.  What an interesting city! I was lost immediately, no surprises there. I found some aspects of the city that I fell in love with. There's the surprise, you know me and cities.

One of the things that I liked was the diversity of the people. Every face looked to have a story behind it that I wanted to sit down and listen to. (Well, most of them.) I know Disneyland tends to be the draw in that neck of the woods, but I'd take some one-of-a-kind conversation over that any day. We did walk around the park and snap a pic...just so you could believe I was there.

The picture is in front of the Lego store. I saw massive sculptures completely constructed of the stuff. I showed the little boys the pics and they were inspired to cover the living room floor in a renewed sense of Lego ownership.

My original plan was to be very sneaky and drop your birthday package at the mission home. I was secretly hoping I could spy on you from a distance, see my little boy one more time before his teenage years dissipate. In hindsight.....that would have been awful.

 The next time I see you I want to be able to hug your guts out, not hide in the bushes.

I didn't have the luxury of a car and large amounts of free time to make that happen anyway. Good thing.

What I did have was the tender mercies of the Lord.

On Saturday morning I was awakened at 4:30. (Probably my body thinking it needed to take care of one of your siblings.) I was drawn to the windows. We were staying on the 11th floor. I looked out over all the lights of that great city and started to get emotional. 

Somewhere hiding in that vastness was you.

I had absolutely no idea which direction to even look.

It's a powerful

sensation to be that close to you and still be just as far away.

Because no one else was stirring, I was able to spend some quality time with myself. (An interesting thought if you think about it.) I had the rare opportunity to really do some scripture study, cross references and everything. It never ceases to amaze me the comfort those words bring.

As the sun began to rise, a gentle feeling washed over me. I felt reassured that you were exactly where you should be....and that God knows where that is.

My wish for your birthday this week would be a strong back that your load will seem light. I wish for you to have clear eyes that will recognize the needs of others. And most of all I pray that the message you have put your life on hold to deliver will be accepted by someone who has been searching for it.

Lastly, I hope that you know your mama loves you.....you might want to watch out for suspicious looking bushes.

To the moon and back and infinity and beyond, love,

Mom