As I write today I only have three children in the house. Two of them are teenagers who are in the kitchen making cookies. They aren't just creaming butter and sugar either. They are remaking the lyrics to pop songs and thinking I can't hear. Instead of Get up Off of That Thang I'm hearing Lick it Off of That Chair. Apparently Miss Bella is helping and she might have broken an egg or two.
The rest of the children have been rented out for the afternoon as chaperones. I have no problem with that. If a young man wants to impress me by taking eight of my children on a date in order to sit by the ninth.....I'll donate a van to his cause. I could get used to this.
Actually, the usual noise doesn't bother me......most of the time. I stay sane because I have the remarkable ability to tune noise out. The Little People love it when I turn on this Super Hero power of mine. They get permission to eat ice cream for breakfast, invite dozens of their closest friends over for a party, and once even received the go ahead to burn a sofa in the back yard. I frequently find myself in a daze wondering what I just said yes to.
I don't always tune them out. Some of the best laughs I get come from the darndest things that come out of my babies' mouths. The trick here is that I have to spend time with them in order to hear these things.
The other trick is for me to focus while they are speaking.
Now and then, especially on car trips, I spend the day with a pad and pencil and write down all the funny things they say. I could pen an entire volume just with kid quotes. They aren't as amusing without the facial expressions and emotion behind them, but still make me smile when I read them again.
And since they make me smile....I thought someone else might enjoy a giggle, too!
But.....if you are looking to read words from a perfect mom who is raising a perfect family....stop perusing right now. We are not always fit for public. There are a few very uncouth words that my parents taught me not to say that get said at my house. "Butt" jokes seem to be inevitable when bringing up boys. My bad. I tried to ban that word but keep using it myself so of course it comes out of them as well. I'll add that to my resolutions list. Maybe.
The following were quote excerpts sent in my weekly emails to my missionary children this past year:
This week has been another one that found your dear Mother saying all kinds of interesting things like:
"Ivy, you have to wear clothes".
"Harley, you have to wear clothes".
"Of course your throat hurts! You shouldn't have eaten the play dough!"
"Does any one know where Ivy is?"
"You pooped in the toilet!?!?!?!?!?!?!" "Yeah for Harley!"
"I did not get you a super man monster truck for your birthday."
"Ivy, you can't keep changing Harley's diapers!"
"I found the floor in the laundry room!!!!"
"Yes, you may go on a frog hunting expedition!"
"You held hands with whom?!??!?"
"I bought cocoa puffs for Sean's birthday present, just like he asked."
"Think of your brother's head when you serve and the ball is sure to go over the net."
And then the very next week I typed this list of interesting interactions for Miss Nichole and ELder Spencer...I didn't want them to feel left out of the fray:
"Sean, stop farting on your sister!"
"You have pretty eyes," says my sweet Harley to me!
"Lobster Bisque," says too many people in our family! (Apparently an inside joke that I am not in on).
"You want to have a Family Home Evening on sex education!?!?!?," says Jake trying to pass off a Family Life merit badge.
"We like it when you cry," says the Primary presidency trying to convince me to play the part of Mary Magdalene.....again!And then there was me, running around the house screaming and laughing like I'd won the lottery because Harley wore big boy shorties for 5 whole hours without an accident! I see light!
One of my all time favorites is a quote from Sir James. We were all packed into Moby Dick and had been on the road for quite some time. I began to hear the low rumblings of teasing. I chose to ignore the bad and focus on the good. It didn't help. I attempted to employ super powers to no avail. The rumblings turned into full out giggles and crying. The giggles and crying become out right laughing, with the exception of Sir James, who sobs at peak volume, "Sean keeps calling me a butthead!"
Well the Mama is not having that. I have reached the point that no mother should be pushed to. I turned around in my seat to end this once and for all. I'm immediately stopped in mid I've-had-enough sentence. There before me is the accused "butthead" with a pair of underpants over his ears, his sweet little face poking through the leg hole, wondering for everything what the big deal is.
Now how do you parent that with a straight face?
I hope that you haven't been absolutely disgusted with me for sharing too much information and will keep reading....because not everything that children say is humorous. Sometimes what they say is down right sobering. Sometimes their words come straight from Heaven.
A dear friend of mine posted a tender story today. She is an amazing mother and radiates so much patience. One of her many children has had a multitude of physical challenges that leaves him in a wheelchair and also with a very limited ability to speak out. She tenderly kneels by him when they communicate. She wrote today that he had said something sweet to her and she told him, "you sure have had a lot of sweet things to say lately. Is that your gift to Jesus for Christmas?"
"He thought for a minute and then replied, "No, it's Jesus' gift to me."
Now how do you parent that without awe?
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