It would seem that Sir Harley has a few fans that would like to know what he has been up to lately. While I am always a bit sad when my children move from one phase to the next I can say that there have been some advantages to my baby boy growing up. He has mellowed out so much this month. I haven't seen him streaking down the road for weeks now. He has become very hugs and kisses oriented and will even voluntarily get in bed for a nap now and then. (I bribe him with chocolate but that doesn't count.)
Yesterday at the craft fair, Steve and I were comparing notes with another couple that had raised a large family. Their suggestion, laughingly, was to squirt Sir Harley with water every time I discovered him minus clothing. Even though they were joking I could never have even considered it. My Harley isn't a puppy. He is a child of God.
The Daddy and I have taken a lot of parenting classes over the years. I listen to what is taught and try to discern what I believe to be truth and will work for our children and what is just nonsense. One thing that we learned just a few years ago at one of these classes has been very useful. It's the concept that children will continue to do anything they get attention for.
When we first started experimenting with this new idea I felt like I was being manipulative. I would make a concerted effort to notice and make a big deal out of anything I witnessed that was positive and did my level best to brush off, or minimize, bad behavior. What I soon realized was that I was training myself to be a parent more than I was training my children to be well behaved.
After some diligence in this parenting approach we began to see some really positive results. For instance, when everyone is loud and crazy and Daddy has already called for prayer, instead of getting all worked up he simply points out and recognizes any one thing that one of the children are doing right. ("Look at Sean! He knows how to kneel.") Instantly they drop what they are doing and join the circle reverently. They all want to be noticed, too. Never ceases to amaze me.
The same concept works for chores and bedroom clean up. I'm not saying for a second that I'm anywhere close to having it together with the housekeeping. What I am saying is that if I ask the boys to clean their room and then give some positive feedback for even the smallest effort, that effort is magnified. And if I'm having an off day and nitpick at them, their behavior gets worse.
I decided to really work with my Harley the past few weeks. I discovered that a lot of his angry tantrums were a result of not being understood. He was all caught up in the mix and just needed a sympathetic ear. I reminded myself to parent on the offense and find the good before the bad crept in. Every time I see him with a pair of pants on I make a big deal about how good he is at getting dressed. That's all it takes. He then runs to the closet and picks out a shirt and stands by me to see if I will notice.
Not all has been a success in this clothing project, however. Because Sir Harley gets attention for having clothes on, Miss Ivy wants in on it. She has a different outfit on every time I turn around. She has even taken to dressing Miss Izzie. They frequently look like two little bag ladies bracing for a storm. I came home the other day to find Miss Izzie wearing two shirts, a dress, leggings and topped off with a pair of tights on her head. She looked like a psychedelic bunny bracing for a storm. These are the moments when motherhood gets a bit confusing. Do I praise her for keeping her clothes on or ignore it and hope that someday her college roommates will help her with fashion sense.
I still can't get my little man to keep anything on his feet. I guess I'll just have to own that one. I can't say I'm really enthusiastic about shoes, either. He takes it a bit further. I had to cut the feet out of his favorite dino jammies. All the world is right when you can wiggle your piggies.
And now that Sir Harley is giving me a bit of a break, Miss Izzie has decided to seize the day. She created her own indoor sandbox. Repeat ofter me....keep it positive....keep it positive...keep it positive....
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